It’s common for focus to be on your student’s transition, but as they are strengthening or finding their identity in a new stage of their life, you might be too. Consider redirecting energy previously focused on your child into yourself – take advantage of an opportunity to discover, re-discover, and engage with old and new interests, hobbies, activities, relationships, or careers. Your wellness is important, and, if your student knows you are taking care of yourself, it can help them to worry less about not being with you.

The relationship between adult children and parents of adult children may shift into a more peer-like one as you move into a new stage. Adult children may want more privacy or freedom in certain areas of their lives. Parents of adult children may still have expectations about rules in their home or contingencies of their financial support. Avoid assuming familiar expectations and needs are current, and navigate this as a new relationship by clearly communicating and hearing expectations and needs of all parties now. These new roles and this new relationship may hit some bumps as you figure them out together. Stress naturally occurs when we need to adapt to new circumstances. Anticipate - and help your student anticipate - that, as long as we are willing to adapt, stress will ease as everyone adjusts to new routines, surroundings, and relationships – including with you.

This developmental stage in your student’s life often involves exploring and learning as they evolve into the person they want to become. This may mean experimenting with new looks, identities, attitudes, activities, and/or goals. Support can look like simply taking interest in their exploration. College is a process of self-discovery. While hearing your views and values (without moralizing or criticizing) can help them inform their own rationale, having space and support to form their own views and values is an important part of the process of individuation.

It makes sense to have academic and social goals and expectations for your student in college, and it is also important that these goals and expectations are respectful of your student’s interests and style. As the NYU Child Study Center notes, “Although parental input can be useful, children should not be expected to live out their parents' dreams. Focusing on "my daughter the doctor" or "my son the lawyer" is unproductive. Parents must allow for the candlestick maker to emerge if that's what is best.” Similarly, pressure for college to be “the best years of your life” can leave students feeling inadequate if their social experience is complicated and confusing, or different than you or they envisioned. Instead, ask your student about their experience, and offer empathy and validation as it unfolds.

Mistakes and failure are a part of taking on challenges, learning, and growing. Normalize mistakes. Where you can, focus on your student’s problem-solving and learning. It can feel natural to slip into problem-solving for them, but as your adult child increases independence, it is more helpful to prompt their own problem-solving process. It can be more valuable to develop their own ability to cope than to rely on your advice. Listen, ask what information they might be missing, ask questions that help them to identify and connect with resources that might offer that information, teach self-advocacy. Give space for them to share their rationale and plans and work through decisions out loud.